I saw a friend whom I haven't seen for a few months last week and we got to talk about our preparations for the coming of the twins. She was a little surprised when I told her that at 7 months, we haven't bought anything yet, thinking that it was still too early. She was just too excited to give me a list of what we needed to have and frankly, I was a bit overwhelmed! Naturally, that feeling poured on to my unknowing hubby. I bugged him about it, sharing with him my fears that we might not be able to complete the things we needed to buy before the arrival of the twins. I was also telling him about my frustration of not being able to shop for the twins myself as I'm on a modified bedrest. Just to avoid being tagged as a nagger, I stopped bugging him after a day and forgot about it.
Imagine my surprise when he came home this afternoon with a plastic bag from the mall! This may sound too dramatic, but I actually cried when I saw the tiny mittens, hoods, diapers, blankets, etc. It was as if I could see my twins with their things already. The reality of having babies for the first time struck me as so overwhelming. This is it! It's for real! We're having babies! I was just so happy and feeling so thankful and blessed! Lord, thank you for the wonderful gift! I looked at my hubby and he seemed to be a different kind of person to me... I felt such a gush of strong feelings for him! Love you so much lalav! I can't wait for us to be parents to our beautiful babies!
Lunes, Hulyo 18, 2011
Lunes, Hunyo 27, 2011
Remembering My Lost Little Peanut...
Little Peanut, I remember the day I was made aware of your presence. For the first time, my period was delayed for a week. I couldn't bring myself to have a pregnancy test yet because I was scared of another disappointment. You see, your daddy and I have been praying for you for so long!
We've already been to a fertility doctor who almost gave us no hope of having a baby unless we try IVF. We went on with our lives and decided not to try anymore.. got us some dogs and treated them as our kids. We were happy and contented, travelling anytime we wanted, going out on dates whenever we felt like it, just thinking of satisfying ourselves and aspiring to have anything material that would make us happy and whole.
Almost two weeks delayed and I couldn't stop myself from testing anymore! Could it be? Is it possible? But the doctor said otherwise... Lord, please, I don't want to have my hopes crushed again! And there you were, showing your presence on that additional line. The line which shouldn't be there as my doctor had led me to believe... I broke down in the bathroom, couldn't believe what I was seeing.. little Peanut, you're really here! I love you so much already!
Ok, the next thing that happened would dampen the drama here... I immediately told your daddy, and his first reaction was..."Ssshhh.. let's keep quiet muna." Though slightly disappointed with his reaction, I knew that he was very happy to learn about you as well but was scared that something might happen if we get too excited.
We first saw you on your 8th week. I couldn't help myself from crying when I first saw you, so tiny, like a Peanut wiggling. You looked so adorable then... it was such a beautiful feeling! There was life inside me! I loved you more that time.
Though I wasn't feeling you yet, your daddy and I kept talking to you and about you already. We were both so excited to see you and to take care of you. We didn't think much about the subchorionic hemorrhage they saw in my ultrasound. We were just so positive that everything would turn out ok. We should have seen it coming...
A few weeks after, I had some slight cramps, then the following day, I saw some red spots that continued to profuse bleeding, contracting and pain! I actually couldn't feel the physical pain so much because the pain in my heart was the worst! I knew I was losing you! I continued praying the rosary and begged the Lord to stop you from leaving us! You were only a day from 12 weeks. The time that they say that the percentage of miscarriages significantly goes down! But I guess the Lord had other plans for us... which I could not fathom at first... I kept thinking, "Why give the baby to us and just let him live inside of me for just a few weeks when we weren't praying for it anymore? Weren't we so contented with our lives already? Why why why?" Your daddy was beside me cryin his heart out too!Then my next thought was, "Lord, please let our marriage survive this..." I was so scared to have your daddy blame me for what happened. I didn't think I could go on after this tragedy without him by my side. Thankfully, he became the supportive husband I DIDN'T actually expect him to be.
Weeks went by after the incident and I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone but my immediate family. Calls were screened and online messages of condolences and kind words from well meaning friends and relatives were all answered by your daddy who though inspite the pain and heartache continously talked and supported me throughout the whole ordeal. Telling me constantly that we will be happy even if it's just the two us. I couldn't love him more after that Little Peanut. I really wish you knew and met him, you would have loved him too!
Today, as I'm writing this, I'm now on my 6th month of pregnancy with your siblings. Wish you were with us but I understand now that you're in a much better place. Please always keep watch over me, your daddy and your siblings. I wrote this for them to remember you. It was just a few weeks, I know, but you made a mark in my heart that will never be erased. I will always love you my little Peanut...
We've already been to a fertility doctor who almost gave us no hope of having a baby unless we try IVF. We went on with our lives and decided not to try anymore.. got us some dogs and treated them as our kids. We were happy and contented, travelling anytime we wanted, going out on dates whenever we felt like it, just thinking of satisfying ourselves and aspiring to have anything material that would make us happy and whole.
Almost two weeks delayed and I couldn't stop myself from testing anymore! Could it be? Is it possible? But the doctor said otherwise... Lord, please, I don't want to have my hopes crushed again! And there you were, showing your presence on that additional line. The line which shouldn't be there as my doctor had led me to believe... I broke down in the bathroom, couldn't believe what I was seeing.. little Peanut, you're really here! I love you so much already!
Ok, the next thing that happened would dampen the drama here... I immediately told your daddy, and his first reaction was..."Ssshhh.. let's keep quiet muna." Though slightly disappointed with his reaction, I knew that he was very happy to learn about you as well but was scared that something might happen if we get too excited.
We first saw you on your 8th week. I couldn't help myself from crying when I first saw you, so tiny, like a Peanut wiggling. You looked so adorable then... it was such a beautiful feeling! There was life inside me! I loved you more that time.
Though I wasn't feeling you yet, your daddy and I kept talking to you and about you already. We were both so excited to see you and to take care of you. We didn't think much about the subchorionic hemorrhage they saw in my ultrasound. We were just so positive that everything would turn out ok. We should have seen it coming...
A few weeks after, I had some slight cramps, then the following day, I saw some red spots that continued to profuse bleeding, contracting and pain! I actually couldn't feel the physical pain so much because the pain in my heart was the worst! I knew I was losing you! I continued praying the rosary and begged the Lord to stop you from leaving us! You were only a day from 12 weeks. The time that they say that the percentage of miscarriages significantly goes down! But I guess the Lord had other plans for us... which I could not fathom at first... I kept thinking, "Why give the baby to us and just let him live inside of me for just a few weeks when we weren't praying for it anymore? Weren't we so contented with our lives already? Why why why?" Your daddy was beside me cryin his heart out too!Then my next thought was, "Lord, please let our marriage survive this..." I was so scared to have your daddy blame me for what happened. I didn't think I could go on after this tragedy without him by my side. Thankfully, he became the supportive husband I DIDN'T actually expect him to be.
Weeks went by after the incident and I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone but my immediate family. Calls were screened and online messages of condolences and kind words from well meaning friends and relatives were all answered by your daddy who though inspite the pain and heartache continously talked and supported me throughout the whole ordeal. Telling me constantly that we will be happy even if it's just the two us. I couldn't love him more after that Little Peanut. I really wish you knew and met him, you would have loved him too!
Today, as I'm writing this, I'm now on my 6th month of pregnancy with your siblings. Wish you were with us but I understand now that you're in a much better place. Please always keep watch over me, your daddy and your siblings. I wrote this for them to remember you. It was just a few weeks, I know, but you made a mark in my heart that will never be erased. I will always love you my little Peanut...
Sabado, Hunyo 25, 2011
6 Months Preggy with Twins
Hi everyone! This is my very first time to write a blog! Wow, it does seem like writing in your diary. I remember the diaries I've had during my teen years and I thought I've outgrown it, but now, at 39 years old.. wow! It still feels so exciting! The difference is that I'm putting myself out there for anyone to be read. Oh well, that's what you get from getting old and growing up I guess. The time for inhibitions and censoring yourself is over! Yes! But then again, maybe it's just because of the generation nowadays and the technology. Almost everyone wants to be heard nowadays anyway. Shheessh, such a noisy world we live in!
As my title goes, I'm now 6 months pregnant with twins! Yehey! Wish I could have blogged about it since day 1 but I'll just try to refresh my memory.
The first time I had an inkling that something was up was on the first week of February. After my miscarriage last Sept 2010, I wasn't monitoring the number of days to my next period anymore as I had kinda lost hope in having a baby again (that's a topic for my next blog). My period has been regular ever since I can remember. Anyway, back to February, I took a PT test and it came out negative. After a few days, I took one again but still... negative. Hubby and I flew to Manila the following day for a very short but tiring trip! My hubby, who is my exact opposite when it comes to buying things, as usual wanted us to walk all over Quiapo just to find the 1 thing he was looking for. Can't even remember what it was. I was a little concerned because I still hadn't gotten my period but I was feeling something... At the back of my mind, I was already feeling that I might be pregnant but then again you sometimes have the same feeling as when you're about to have your period. Anyway, to make the long story short, I finally got a positive on my PT by the time we were already back in Cebu. Hubby and I were still a little scared to talk about it for fear of another miscarriage so we waited until the 3rd week of Feb to go to my OB. Unfortunately, before my planned appointment, I had some spotting. I was told to have a TVS (trans vaginal sonogram) and lo and behold... I was already 7 weeks pregnant...WITH TWINS! Hubby couldn't seem to react well at first. He was really a "scaredy" cat to jinx (as if the twins would vanish once he acknowledges them! haha)the information. I myself was a bit scared too. First thing that came into my mind was the expenses! Uh-oh! Double for everything! But after awhile I began to like the idea. It's a miracle! God took my first baby and multiplied it into two! What could be a better gift than that!
Complete bedrest from 7th to 9th week due to my spotting which turned out to be caused by UTI.. oh they also saw a small subchorionic hemorrhage. Thankfully, on my 9th week TVS, the SCH was gone! Another miracle! My strict bedrest was lifted but hubby and I still opted that I continue on with my bedrest just to make sure that babies are safe.
So we jump now to my 6th month because my pregnancy has been relatively uneventful. Not that I'm complaining, but I've just read so many scary stories over the net (which by the way is my constant companion during this whole time because I was on bedrest for most of the time, yeah its really uneventful, lol!) Oh, I had some terrible pain and contractions on my 19th week that lasted for 3 days! I thought I was going to lose my babies that time. The only explanation my OB could give was my multiple fibroids which might be degenerating. Well we never did find out because my last ultrasound was done on my 17th week. The only good outcome after those 3 excruciating days was that I finally got to feel the tiny flutters of my babies! It was kinda weird at first, it was like there were worms kicking my tummy, hehe. I had my last pre-natal appointment last week where we heard again the heartbeats of my twins and their contant movement. My OB also provided me with a maternity support belt that really eased up the heavy tummy that I'm carrying now (some say I look like I'm about to pop anytime!) Can't wait for my next scheduled ultrasound just to see how my babies are doing now.
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